Solacetree

Giving What I Need

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Giving What I Need

Prepare to hear a blasphemous, un-American confession:  I don’t care about Christmas anymore.  God knows I used to, and I have the ornaments, lights, and Christmas cookie recipes to prove it.

So what happened to me? Did someone I love die, and I’m still in grief?  Yeah, something died, alright.  The celebration in Christmas.  All the rah-rah, happy-happy, be of good
cheer.  I’m not jaded because of  commercialism these days, though I hate it.  I am seriously pissed that stores are putting ...

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The Choir

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The Choir

“SHUT UP!!!!”

“I won’t,” she said, firmly.
“It’s time you face this, and I’m not going to….”

“BLAHBLAHBLAH,” I said again and again with my hands clamped
over my ears until I was done with my snit.

That was stupid,”
she said.

Silence.  “I know,
but….”

She said, “How long are you going fight what you really
want?  What do you have?”

“A good voice.”

“And you’re doing what with it?”

“Singing rock and blues.”

“And what’s killing you?”

“I want to sing classical music in an Episcopal choir again.”

My ...

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What If Jesus Didn’t Die For Me?

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What If Jesus Didn’t Die For Me?

He sat in a red chair and watched while I was raped.  I was only four, but I knew who he was.  Jesus didn’t do anything but speak into my mind, over and over, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.  You’re going to be OK.”  And I believed him as I slid into darkness from pain and suffocation.

The incest went on for years, and Jesus stayed with me, more like a stray dog than God.  He followed
me into ...

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Partial Faith

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Partial Faith

I was raised to believe that you might as well not ask God0 anything if you don’t believe 100%.  I was threatened with these verses in James 1:

“But it any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach and it will be given to him.  But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by ...

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The Blessing of Losing Your Faith

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The Blessing of Losing Your Faith

He contacted me after reading some of my work on depression, doubt, and anger at God. As we talked, he expressed affirmation of my rocky spiritual journey, because he battles with those things himself. My friend is a follower of Jesus, with a Christian website, and his writing is full of faith.

Then last week, a bomb arrived in my e-mail box.

Well, Joy, it’s been a couple of days since I told God to go fuck himself, and I still haven’t ...

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41

Long-Distance Love

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Long-Distance Love

Absolutely helpless to stop
the coming catastrophe
I can’t alter one iota
or offer any solace
that makes any sense
to the life of one I love
going down without a trace.

I can see his face
in the long-distance line,
hear the terror from entrapment,
all escape routes closed.

I knew this was coming
before it even began –
a risk he had to make
in adult-sized plans
with gambler’s odds against him
that I had to let happen
so he ...

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Jesus Disguised For Halloween

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Jesus Disguised For Halloween

She hadn’t been young for years. Given her history, she hadn’t been young most of her life.  Wrapped in a robe of cigarette smoke, she sat with a Styrofoam coffee cup stuck to her hand, waiting for an appointment with me she didn’t know was on her schedule. I had come to this meeting needing forgiveness, hope, anything but what I had, and told God I would only stay if she was there, and there she was – the one person I ...

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Not Alone Excerpt by Joy Wilson

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Not Alone Excerpt by Joy Wilson

 

 

 

 

Depression feels like being dead while hiding in bed or walking around, breathing air but not life into the bottomless hole. For me, rarely a day goes by without tears that appear without my permission. Do you know how embarrassing that is? For people tend to ignore you, like “nothing’s happening here”. They pretend I’m invisible, because then they don’t have to get involved. I would just ...

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4

Anti Anti-Aging

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Anti Anti-Aging

My hair is polished silver.  Though I am no longer sleek, I’m sexy and adore my Victoria’s Secret lingerie. I’m not an intellectual, but intelligent and love conversations that engage my brain.  My greatest lessons have been learned from experience, and I’ve earned my wisdom the hard way.  At age 56, I am living my life’s dream at last as a passionate, published full-time author.  And my culture considers me insignificant because I’m no longer twenty or thirty-something, ...

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You Need What You Get

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You Need What You Get

First of all, read my September 3rd post called “Taz”.  It’s important for you to see her picture before reading this.

OK, you read it, right?
Here’s what happened this weekend.

We had to put Taz down one week ago Saturday.  Bud and I were grieving over this inevitable prospect, but couldn’t bring ourselves to act on it, so Bud said, “Let the vet decide.” This way it wouldn’t be “our fault”. If you’ve had to put a pet down you loved, you ...

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